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Hello, I would like to talk about a problem and I don't know what to do. Let's start from the beginning. When I was a child, between 6 and 9 years old, I was subjected to constant harassment by two hidden members of my family. One of them did it once when I entered his dark room. He made me sit on his stomach while he lay naked, talking to me and distracting me with conversation until I felt something touch me. I was a child and naive, so I thought he had wet himself and soiled me by mistake. That's why he wiped my clothes with his shirt and kicked me out of his room. The other one would touch me under my skirt, and when I moved away or got upset, he would say he was just joking, pretending his hand was an insect and that I was afraid of insects. His younger brother joined in and they continued doing the same. I'm not sure if his younger brother did the same thing for the same reason, but the older brother persisted for a long time. When I was upset—not because I realized he was harassing me, but because I didn't like his game—I cursed him and ran to my mother to tell her. But when I got there, he had already gotten there and told them that I was... I insulted him, so my mother scolded me in front of his family without even asking why I insulted him in the first place. The bottom line is that I didn't know what harassment meant or the difference between it and rape. One day, when I was 13, my mother took me into a room and asked me with a kind smile if I wanted to get married... Kay agreed, thinking that growing up meant her mother wouldn't hit her anymore and would allow her to participate in conversations. That was the worst decision I've ever made. Because when we were on the phone, he threatened to hit me, so I tried to refuse, but he hit me and I refused again. What terrified me at the time was that I thought he would kill me if he found out I had been raped, because I didn't know the difference between harassment and rape. So, between the ages of 13 and 16, I tried to commit suicide many times, but I only succeeded in creating permanent scars. After I got married, he did everything he threatened me with. He beat me, took my money, and prevented me from seeing my friends and family, leaving the house, or having hobbies. He did all this to break me. He raped me several times, and once he broke my back, and I couldn't sit for two months. Of course, I didn't go to the hospital. Now my spine has healed incorrectly, and it hurts me. Now he wants me to get pregnant by him through IVF, because that's the only way he can conceive since he has problems. I don't want to get pregnant. If I do, I will kill myself.
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