/grim/ - Cold, Grim & Miserable

Homelessness and Wandering the States Edgar Anon Poe 22/11/26(Sat)10:12 No. 6905 [Reply]

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Real quick, I'm a schizophrenic NEET on disability but because Murica I do not make enough to live off of on my own. I've always had to take roommates to share the rent with, and because most people don't do that for free, it's usually a romantic partner I move in with. Because I'm vulnerable and stupid, I end up falling for a person who hurts me, or even starts beating me and insulting me just to put me down. So I run away. I call a friend somewhere else in the States who can move me somewhere else, and then it starts again. I meet a person, they hurt me, I leave.

You get the point, basically. Medicaid is state based, so when you move elsewhere, you need to reapply for that state's version of Medicaid. As I've already been to half the states in the country, and already moved twice this year, it's been very hard to keep my medical benefits steady (they can take up to 100 days to approve an applicant after the forms are filled out or, if you have SSI, respond to a change of address.)

I can't get my meds right now so it's harder and harder to go outside, I can barely get food, and might be moving again in another few months too.

My family says they're willing to house and feed me and take care of the cost of my medicine, but the only stipulation is that I cannot bring anyone home with me. The problem with this is that I'm extremely codependent, too broken to live for my own sake, so I need someone to lean on and be my purpose. But after 6 or 7 consecutive relationships that turned abusive, I'm really just thinking there isn't much hope for me living comfortably, or doing anything other than struggling like an animal every day to survive.

Are there any other diagnosed schizophrenics here whose conditions are severely disabling? If so, I'd love to know how you're all getting by, because I'm having a really tough time out here. (pic unrelated, just a drawing I did when I moved here)

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Edgar Anon Poe 22/11/30(Wed)13:17 No. 6914

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I'm not a full blown skito but it runs in my family and I have had vivid experiences where I have hear voices. Only a handful of times but I think this could be the onset of my genetic predispostion to it, anywho; I'll tell you what every therapist has told me: Change the narrative you tell yourself. It seems lame but it really is the only thing that truly works. Read some stoics like Marcus Aurelius and learn how to control your reactions to your emotions better because the truth is that the world is a cold and dark place and doesn't give a shit about you or anyone and will do everything in its power to try and kill you and will if you let it.

You are a meaningless spec floating through an infinite cosmos. Just choose to be ok the best you can. I understand what its like to be on food stamps and be codependent with an abusive partner and that is what has helped me regain my independence. That and an insatiable thirst for the truth and this is what I have come to realize. Good luck.

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Edgar Anon Poe 22/12/21(Wed)03:54 No. 6924

We've met. Maybe not you, but somebody just like you. We were friends for a while, and you helped me through a tough time. I want nothing more than to go back to that, and repay it. I can work again with the meds I'm taking, I have a house and health insurance. But she's gone, and I'm alone. Maybe the answer is to trust your family. Let the co-dependence fall through until you are hopeless and all you have is them to protect you from yourself. Because everybody is somebody's everything. Nobody is nothing. I love you anon.

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That Spic From Gurochan!.genxMyjaM 25/04/30(Wed)04:04 No. 7382

Since the psychologist told me "What do you need a diagnosis for?" I'm not certified. But considering I experience hallucinations, and was prescribed olanzapine and risperidone, I guess I made the cut.
As for the question, I just soldier on.
I'm off the pills since '19, I'd rather deal with the voices and the suicidal ideation than to endure the side effects. I'll pull through until I make it or until I end up on the shock room again.

Edgar Anon Poe 25/04/21(Mon)11:31 No. 7334 [Reply]

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>whole board from grimness on an imageboard
>no thread for grim images on the whole front page
yawn

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Edgar Anon Poe 25/04/21(Mon)11:33 No. 7335

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!.genxMyjaM 25/04/28(Mon)05:22 No. 7369

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>>7334
OP gets it.

accusation and admission Edgar Anon Poe 25/04/28(Mon)02:29 No. 7368 [Reply]

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inhibition exhibition extraordinaire

holding back at the cost of failure
nothing more than a whisp of air

HOLD IT
dont breathe like they said
this day is more than your daily bread

AND YOU WASTE IT
birds dont care about how you feel
dirt doesnt know how dirty it is
and mud feels neglected to play

you bastards really knew what you did
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Edgar Anon Poe 25/04/15(Tue)20:05 No. 7322 [Reply]

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What about ya'll who are functioning. who have friends. but who still feel lonely?
I have a hot af gf and friends. I'm charismatic. I still want to die. Because everyone is fucking retarded. I don't know how else to put it. Everyone is retarded. None of it matters. no one cares about you or what you actually think. everyone is insecure and it's ANNOYING.

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Edgar Anon Poe 25/04/16(Wed)00:45 No. 7323

Don't have hot gf or friends, yes everyone is retarded, but I neither want to kill myself (hasn't been the case for the last 12+ years, nor do I feel lonely. Maybe you should ditch the fake folks so you would be able to hear yourself and hear the truth again?

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Edgar Anon Poe 25/04/25(Fri)00:52 No. 7355

try to live a parasitic-like life! as for fame, it's akin to poison sometimes . . .

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Edgar Anon Poe 25/04/26(Sat)04:02 No. 7361

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>>7322
Everyone is retarded.
Especially you.
Once you realize this, the inevitability of retardation will give way to numbness and later on, to acceptation.
Humans are not rational. That's an illusion.
Everyone's rarted. And that's okay.

8th Special part 4 of 4 Reverend 25/01/16(Thu)20:06 No. 7283 [Reply]

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I FUCKING WANT TO DIE 8th Special

https://pedopriestcatcher.podbean.com/

Part 4 of 4 "Premium Blend"

•4chan "Never Fly Economy"

& "Braindead Mouthbreathers"

•Dread "How To Fake a Bank Statement"

•Hidden Answers "15 Questions"

•8kun /Nigger Community Wretchedness/ board "NIGGERS RUINED MY GYM"
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Edgar Anon Poe ## Admin ## 25/01/16(Thu)20:26 No. 7284

Approved.

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Strong Youtube Start Edgar Anon Poe 25/02/02(Sun)08:01 No. 7291

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https://youtu.be/FAtFQ-p9AP8?si=qk09VuS8kipTRw6H

/Terrorist Threats, School Shootings, Synagogue Shootings, Banned Posts, 1 Liners, Black Church Shootings, Conspiracy To Commit Mass Murder/

💎 Classic 4chan
[elementary school shooting posts]

💎 Classic 8chan [Synagogue San Diego 🕍 Shooting]

💎 4chan [dylan roof posts in 2015]

💎 Classic Original 8chan
[Robert Bowers]/[John t. Earnest is Celebrated]in 2018

BTW, FUCK 8KUN
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Edgar Anon Poe 25/03/04(Tue)21:25 No. 7311

Bumping for interest

Yarr Capn 25/02/26(Wed)06:39 No. 7307 [Reply]

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Yarr watcha did.

I HATE HAVING AUTSIM Edgar Anon Poe 25/02/06(Thu)07:22 No. 7301 [Reply]

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I just lost the only person that ever loved me or cared about me i had no one i was depressed and without friends but they helped me and comforted me without them i would have killed myself a long time ago and the only way my autistic mind could repay them was by being a shit person and treating them badly it hurts more and more everyday seeing them because they've moved on and i just can't i have some not close friends but no one understands me or cares to and there's nothing i can do but sit on forums and cry alone without anyone around me i had the most perfect person ever and i couldn't show them that in anyway just all the anger and sadness i had built up for years of loneliness and depression i don't know what to do or where to go now since we have all the same friends she is just closer with them all

I HATE HAVING AUTISM IT IS THE WORST CURSE ANYONE COULD HAVE
I HATE HOW IT MAKES ME ACT
I HATE HOW IT MAKES ME UNABLE TO PROCESS EMOTIONS
I HATE HOW IT MAKES ME SO SOCIALLY AKWARD
AND I HATE HOW IT RUINED THE ONE GOOD RELATIONSHIP IVE EVER HAD WITH ANYONE EVER
im sorry if this is in the wrong place i'm just so lost and without meaning

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Edgar Anon Poe 25/02/11(Tue)00:29 No. 7306

you won't regain trust of someone you treated like shit, however if you have really learnt from your mistakes like you seem to imply you have - own your decisions and move forward. And maybe one day you'll meet another cool person worth living for. then you'll be ready to not be a piece of shit to them.

Again assuming you've actually learnt something and if you haven't you should stop crying and analyze what you did wrong if anything and own it. Speaking of owning it - autism didn't make you do shitty things, you made you do shitty things. I've known many very kind and generous autists. yes you r impaired socially emotionally and whatnot, but that does not force you to be an asshole by your own estimation.

and back to trust again, obv it's destroyed in a second and built in years, so you gotta value it. and if another chooses not to give you more chances to betray their trust you can only respect that and choose to value it even more next time - with someone else.

tl;dr tough love, but you gotta own your shit and accept the punishment it's only fair, don't blame god, if you were shitty to someone you can only become better and either ask for second chances or respect their wish to live on without you while you ready yourself for the potential next friendship. this time making sure you value it.

Edgar Anon Poe 23/01/15(Sun)20:58 No. 6996 [Reply]

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Today would have been my Dad's 68th birthday if he hadn't died at 56. I don't tell anyone that I cry about him every day and haven't felt genuine happiness since. I miss him and hate that he's not here. I wish he sucked so I wouldn't care but he was really great.

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OP 23/04/26(Wed)17:02 No. 7087

Its been 13 years man. You have wasted a good part of your life grieving. Time to move on and live the good part of your life.

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Edgar Anon Poe 23/04/27(Thu)07:15 No. 7089

You gotta let it go man.
My mom died 5 years ago and I fucked my life up getting a DUI and it's still fucking with me to this day, Let it go man, it's not worth it. They gave you a lot of wonderful years. Don't regret that they are gone be thankful that they happened.

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Edgar Anon Poe 25/01/29(Wed)14:28 No. 7290

I lost my dad too and miss him every day. I am disappointed that I won't live up to what he was.

Edgar Anon Poe 17/07/18(Tue)16:24 No. 5467 [Reply] [Last 50 posts]

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Everyone we know and love dies, but y'all already knew that.

Tell me of the ones you've lost and how they died.

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Edgar Anon Poe 24/07/15(Mon)03:53 No. 7258

>>5467
Damn a lot of sad stories in this thread.
I haven't lost that many people so I can be thankfull for that.

My grandfather died around 2010 from old age (don't know exactly what) By the time I was old enough to remember anything he already had dementia. All I remember of him is a demented wreck rocking back and forth in his favourite chair singing songs from his childhood and mistaking everyone around him for people from his childhood (all of whom were already dead). I wish I could've gotten to know him he sounds really interesting. A month ago I had a dream about him where we had a conversation about some meaningless small talk and I woke up from it crying. It felt like I had finally talked to him for the first time ever.

My grandmother who I knew a little bit better but wasn't really close with died in 2018 I don't really have anything to say to her. She was my family and I loved her but like I said I wasn't really close to her so her death didn't have any strong impact on me (I feel like an asshole typing that out)

My Grandfather on my mothers side who I never knew cause he lived on the other side of the world

My 2 cats that I grew up with and consider my close family
1st one passed away in 2016
Second one passed away in 2022
Miss them both a lot. The second one more because he was by my side for a lot longer so my memories of him are a lot stronger. I saw him as my little brother honestly I loved teasing my cat pulling his tail and annoying him. I miss seeing him sleep on the couch and just laying next to him using him as a pillow while he purred.

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Peek 25/01/17(Fri)08:33 No. 7286

>>5467
Goddamn zombie vampire dragon conspiracies Inter tangled like a goddamn fly zapping trap and then you have been accepted by the blob in the mail

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Edgar Anon Poe 25/01/18(Sat)21:35 No. 7288

The one that actually impacted me was a bro who stabbed himself in the heart and bled out

He was the funniest man I've ever known. Obviously a genius. I am thankful that he graced me with his presence in this life.

Edgar Anon Poe 24/12/22(Sun)06:11 No. 7277 [Reply]

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I'm starting to question friends I've been with for 6 years now, part of me wants to leave and ditch it because of one person but he comes with the group and and I just have to tolerate his existence in the group

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Edgar Anon Poe 24/12/22(Sun)07:13 No. 7278

have you considered trusting them and staying out of a mindset believe it knows what others are thinking.

unless of course they have outright said or made it blatantly honest they dislike you. Honestly Most adults will have told you by 6 years if they feel that way. this might be you projecting your own insecurities on to them.

if it is the prior then yeah ditch their asses. fucking focus on what you like to do and find others who do the same. but if these feelings return for every friend you get close to. consider self reflection