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Joe Biden is following me. I go to lunch at Mickey’s Diner and he’s sitting two stools away, wearing a stocking cap and a fake mustache with a fake nose and glasses but he says, “Hey, how’s it going, fella?” It’s Joe Biden. So pathetic. Sad. He is conducting a destabilization campaign against me, putting chemicals in my food that make me behave erratically. Why? Because he and his secret cabal are terrified of what I represent.
My guiding principle from the beginning has been Make Earth The Center Again. Not the sun. Earth First. Ever since Pope Urban VIII failed to shut down Galileo and the fake science of Copernicus, Judeo-Christian civilization has been in steady decline. It’s the plain truth. That’s why the Pilgrims came to the New World, to escape solar-centrist ideology. Solar power is killing us. This country is on the verge of collapse. We are up against powerful forces. Did you know that James Comey is actually Jimmy Hoffa? People are surprised when I point this out, but it’s true. Same first names, last names of five letters. Just a Coincidence? No way. “Comey” was Hoffa’s code name in his Teamster days, short for “Comrade.” He knew the only way to beat the FBI was to join it, and now he’s part of the secret cabal.
So are Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi — note that their first names have five letters — and what is even more shocking: They are the same person. That’s why you never see them arm in arm. S/he has a dream: to become the first transgender president of the United States and take the “Men” and “Women” signs off every toilet including the ones in your own home so that anyone can come into your home and use the toilet for as long as they please, no matter who else needs to use it, and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. That’s why Biden and Jimmy and Schelosi are after me. Because 50 million people read my column every week. Fifty million. It’s the most-read column in American journalism since Robert Ripley’s “Believe It or Not” — that’s why I am paid $500 million a year and travel in a private train and am surrounded by heavy security at all times. Everywhere I go, people tell me they love my column — black people, Mexicans, Jews, women, people of all ages — and everyone I meet asks me, “Why not the front page? Why are you stuck back in Op-Ed? It’s so sad.” I’m in Op-Ed with all the wackos because the Deep State is out to undermine my credibility. But the fact is: I have been right all along. About everything. It all happened exactly as I said it would.
The Holy Father wrote to me recently, “You are molto perfecto, mio babbino caro. Infallibilissimo!” He knows the church made a big mistake not cutting Galileo’s head off when they had the chance. Liberals have always wanted mankind to feel marginal, an accident of evolution, not the center. The whole environmental “movement” is based on instilling a s
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