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But, hey, now that you’re here, you might as well stay long enough to find out. I think Heather’s got some free rooms. Not free as in beer, I mean, but there’s usually a few extra now that she started renting out her daughter’s old rooms. No, not like that, or at least it doesn’t have to be like that… now they usually stay in one big bedroom together, which is up for renting as well but I’m pretty sure that’s already booked up and probably out of your price range if you came here accidentally and didn’t budget for it. However, if you just need a single bed for the night, with no guests, her rates are pretty reasonable... just watch out for her blackmail traps. If you stay a while, you can look around our town for yourself, make up your own mind about us. It’s not all debauchery.
Really, when you get right down to it, aside from a few twists, our town’s a normal town, and if you’re not into kinky stuff, there are plenty of small town things to enjoy. We still have hay rides and watch cherry blossoms bloom in spring and we have one of our pie-eating contests coming up in a few days. Okay, I suppose our pie-eating contests have changed a lot since the magic words started, and aren’t really a good example of non-kinky activities. They usual share space with the load-swallowing contests. The rules are normally the same in each, although this time around we’re doing a variation on the pie-eating, where we favor quality over quantity and have our Bellringer Kennedy judge entrants on skill, enthusiasm, and endurance. The competitions aren’t open to tourists, but you can watch. I will be, because my fiancee is competing in the minors bracket… and no, I’m not jealous, it’s going to be an open marriage anyway--on Tina’s end at least--and she’s been practicing her heart out after school for weeks, so I’m rooting for her. Her only weak spot is endurance… contestants are allowed to take just one breath before they start and her little lungs just can’t hold much. Still, her confidence is adorable… she even thinks she might make Kennedy cum, a feat that’s still not been achieved by anybody. The closest was when...
Sorry I have been going on a bit. Here I am, just talking your ear off. It’s because of that traffic camera. I’m hashtagged right now, if you haven’t guessed. Cookie spotted you from the diner window, thought it’d be funny if she walked me over here on her break so I could greet you, give you the lowdown, and watch all your reactions to all this. That is, if you haven’t come here specifically because you’ve heard stories. If you have, you’re pretty good at pretending, and that’ll serve you well.
And no, even though I’m hashtagged, I’m not going to tell you any of the magic words myself. I don’t think it’d make a good show, and I can keep a secret. Besides, I’ve given you enough clues to find them out without me. Our town might not be th
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