Hello, fellow mind. Witness our attempts at ontological judo, epistemological terrorism, and linguistic krav maga mixed with self sabotage. Using a sequence of words we will firmly grasp your firmament and reality and, with a flourish, fail to substitute our own, destabilizing own position instead.

Today we shall be reviled for our reveal that we live in the only really real reality. We are using the classical Socratic method of arguing for positions we don't actually hold. Obviously we can assume this is a real conversation. What does real mean again?

We begin this performance with a traditional native dance performance. Behold, the troupe tap dancing in an mine field. We're about to get footloose in here, so prepare to dodge. This is a dance our society uses to separate the lucky from the unlucky. Those unlucky should not be allowed to pass on their cursed genes.

So, from our perspective we are obviously special and the center of the universe and multiverse. Our unique timeline is self evidently real, and other garbage timelines are obviously not. That self evident fact requires no thinking and is clear to all possible beings, not sure why we are even explaining it. This was derived using intuition which is never wrong. The other fake universes will know they're not real because they'll know about us, right? Instinctively they will know that their universe is trash and they don't count, because our glorious universe exists in potentia. They will probably spend their whole lives depressed, wishing they could live in the spectacle of timelines, the jewel of possibility, the diamond of causal chains, our majestic, royal, divine universe. It's sad, actually, almost a waste. If they were born in our universe they would have been complete, and not soulless entities which, while being logically consistent, don't have any extra soul juice.

Did we.. not send out the memo to other timelines? Who was responsible for the memos?

OK, let's get serious. This isn't a joke any more. Obviously this is real, what else could it be? Nobody is going to see a reality and think it's not real. So everybody in every possible reality thinks their reality is real, because to them it is.

OK, that didn't start the right way, but we can salvage it. We fired the guy in charge of the memos. And, speaking of firing, we bought this fancy foot gun and am now aiming carefully at our colleagues toes. We're not real because realness is not a thing with causal consequences. Fine, realness is out, self consistent logic is in. But, we're still the only ones right? No other timeline is plausible, consistent, and therefore contains pesky self centered observers? Or...? Oh no..

We have a brief aside about the memo thing. The team really tried. They did their research. They put in the man hours and studied the science. They sent a memo to leadership summarizing their inability to causally alter timelines we're not causally linked to. Management never read the memo and just pointed fingers.

Dammit. We think humans regrow toes, right? We upgraded the foot gun to a testicle bazooka, which means aim is now optional. So if a fake timeline somehow doesn't hear about us being the one true timeline, they'll also erroneously and arrogantly think they're the one true timeline, because they won't have evidence to the contrary? How selfish of them to not have implicit knowledge of us when considering their place in the universe. It's like when the peasants think they're people too and begin to rudely demand things like food every other day, and payment for their work. What's worse is when the unwashed plebs go from revolting as an adjective to a verb.

Our timeline is populated by smart people who realized that we're the one true timeline. Other timelines are populated by imaginary idiots who think they're real. They don't understand that it's a matter of perspective, and that from our perspective they're all fake. Our perspective is the only one that matters after all.

Ok, time to bomb our own house. But... our physical universe laws are unique and special and tentacle-picked by the local deity herself, right? They're the only lucky and consistent ones which result in a workable universe.... right? Oh, no, not again...

God, this isn't going well. Ok fine, we'll concede that observers in all possible timelines won't know the difference between possible and real, but that doesn't mean there isn't an underlying difference. We're updating our universe model. Each unique universe now has an infinite number of identical sibling universes with additional metadata. Causally identical, but different. Beautiful concept. This timeline is real. This other identical timeline is not real. This other other identical timeline has a preferred color and a serial number. Now, this means that, say timeline A exists in a real flavor because it's being simulated by timeline B. Timeline C is just possible because it's not simulated anywhere. This means that the observers in A are more real than the observers in B, since they aren't just possible, but actual. However, they're not, because B itself is not simulated anywhere. Observers in A may think they're real, but because the parent simulation isn't being simulated their simulation isn't really simulating their fixed timeline they have no way to peek out of. It's very simple, honestly. Oh .. hold on. If universe B is simulated somewhere, that parent universe also needs simulating or it doesn't really exist, just thinks it does. So this means that unless we have an infinite circular chain of universes simulating universes, we don't exist and this conversation is not actually happening.

We just proved the lack of our own existence. However, since we don't exist, does that mean that neither does the proof, and we have a paradox of oscillating states?

Since we don't exist and nothing matters, may as well go not exist down at the pub, and lament your inability to drink a few beers due to lack of causal interactivity. Hold on, I'm being informed that you're still causally interactive, and real to yourself, and that external opinions on the matter literally could not exist. Go live your possibly imaginary life like you were always going to do without me telling you.

So your argument is that our universe isn't special, the physical laws are random, we're in a random branch of the multiverse, no such branch is privileged because they all feel real, no creator is even necessary? Wow, that's a bit of a stretch, isn't it?

Honestly, the blame lies squarely with reality for not being consistent. Because its selfish adherence to the rule of logic has the side effect of making us not exist to external observers until they instantiate our logic. Rude.

Oh god halp how did I get here I'm not good at arguing.

/s