There's a bloke in Tamworth who is such a booze hound, he drinks his pension in the first few days of the week.
Then he resorts to hand sanitizer.
He'll get taken up to the hospital (taken him myself a few times), they'll check him into a rehab program. He'll be gone a few weeks, then he's back, same thing all over again.
Banned from most of the stores in town, because he can't afford to buy the hand sanitizer, so he tries the sneaky drink it in the aisles and walk (sort of) away.
Bloke doesn't even ask if he can get a ride somewhere.
If you've helped him before, he'll just walk into the road if you're at a red light, open the car door and sit in the passenger seat and look at you like it's not a pseudo car jacking.
All in all, harmless, but someone's going to find his corpse one day, stinking of hand sanitiser with what's left of his liver in his pocket.

We're passing through a town in regional VIC, and looking for a place to get food that's open past 9pm. Only the servo that has a subway so we think fk it let's go there. Grab a sub and we're sitting down eating and this dude without a shirt on comes out of the darkness and asks us for a smoke or a beer. We've got nothing so we say sorry mate and he says "nah all good, can you buy me some food? I'll do anything for some food". He looks like he's on a lot of meth and we want to get away from him ASAP. At the same time a bloke cycles past and we say to the guy "if you bash that bloke on the bike, we will buy you a sub" not thinking he would actually do it.

So the fella starts sprinting after the guy on the bike off into the darkness. After like 30sec we don't see him so we reckon he's gone. We finish our food and get back into the car. Drive a minute or so down the road and there's the same shirtless guy still sprinting after the guy on the bike who's peddling for his life. We shout at the guy to stop chasing him but he tells us to f*** off and they both disappear down a side street. A+ for commitment. Meth is a hell of a drug

>>828776
That guy must have been pissed once covid ended and there wasn't free hand sanitiser at every corner anymore.

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>>828782

Nah, him and the rest of them are all well pissed
Now the hand sanitizer stuff has been in the reduced bin for the last year

There is a bloke goes round getting water in pubs, has a sip
Then just just squeezes some into the water and drinks it

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>>828480
My brother is 6 years into a 15 year sentence for punching a guy at his son's baseball game, and turned the guy into a 'tard. My wife and I take care of my nephew most of the time now.

>>828800
Sucks, but people have to realize that war sucks. Avoid at all costs. Never start a war if it can be avoided.

Even combat sports are better avoided unless it's wrestling but that too can SERIOUSLY injure you if you go higher than amateur levels. Wrestling is a lot of fun though, so I can understand it. Sparring is fun too, but you're literally trying to injure someone. What do you expect will happen?

>>828800
Was the court able to prove the other guy was not already a re‍tard?

>>828807
Daring defense tactic.


My older brother [23M] just got engaged to his literal 662 pound girlfriend [21F] of 2 years (now fiance) and now im [18M] gonna have a 662 pound sister-in-law.

At my core, I am happy for my brother cause i know he's really happy and he does love her alot but man, it doesnt stop being weird thinking about my brother being one of those weird feeder dudes.

Guys, my future SIL (we'll call her Sadie) is FAT. Like, holy airwolfing shit super morbidly obese FAT.Sadie has a permanent double chin, regardless if she's standing or sitting. She has those really fat granny arms where her elbow is basically hidden by the upper arm fat. She doesnt have visible wrists. Her belly is comically big, it literally spills onto her lap and makes contact with her knees when she sits (she's also only like 5 feet tall, so shes much rounder than she is tall). Her legs also have signs of lymphedema too and her calves has weird looking rolls too. Her tits are big, i guess, but gross looking and sag down the sides of her belly. She really cant even walk anymore. She requires a mobility scooter if we go out and do anything.

And mind you, my brother and the rest of my family are very fit. We're a family of runners. We've already completed marathons. My brother has literally done 5. My brother is stick thin lol. So, she really really sticks out like a sore thumb when she's with us or next to my brother.

Like i said, my brother had been seeing Sadie for two years but we didnt meet her until last year. Prior to dating Sadie, my brother had never really dated. He was always awkward around girls and just was never good on the subject (like i got my first kiss before he did). When my brother started dating Sadie, we knew he was seeing someone but was so secretive about it. No name, photos, nothing. It wasnt until my mom pressured him to spill that he finally showed us a photo and OH MY Bob Ross... the awkward tension in the room lmfo. We were all thinking the same thing but no one could say anything. My brother felt it and immediately was like "i know she's big but she's really sweet and loves me alot and I love her and you'll love her and blah blah blah"

We then got to know her better (tbh our intro dinner should probs be a post of its own) and, ya know, she's really nice and I can tell she genuinely loves my brother but my Bob Ross is she a HOG. She is a textbook HAES idiot and blabbers that nonsense all thru-out her socials. She wears graphic tees that say "fat and proud." She eats like a total glutton and has literally no shame in how she looks when she does it.

Its sad to see my brother do the things he does for her. Just the way he tends to her hand and foot is kinda depressing. But ultimately, the silver lining is that, frankly, my brother is not 'settling' for this girl. Sadie is my brothers dream girl because he is, in fact, a feeder. My parents are kind of in denial about his motives its just the truth.

I wont go too deep into our convo but basically after my brother got engaged, I wanted to celebrate his life achievement and just wanted to get drunk with him. We drank and just chatted while playing Madden in the family basement. I eventually got him to admit about his real feelings for Sadie. He didnt get too gross but was at least honest with me and i was respectful (again, Sadie is alright).

Ill end this post with this funny lil tid bit----

At some point in the night i did eventually muster the courage to just ask him straight up "just be honest, no judgement, how much does she weigh?"

and with the cockiest smirk you'd ever seen, he just started giggling and goes "She's 662 pounds dude"☠️☠️☠️

Idk what the future holds but all i know is our family is about to get ALOT bigger.

Went to a site to do a standard blockage inspection/clear. When I was making small talk with the owner they were a bit too open and told me shit about their failed marriage (cheating), randomly missing dog (reckons their ex stole it) and how they were committing tax fraud to use on this year's bali trip. Anyway, threw the snake down the end of their water tank and there was a blockage I couldnt see properly, looked like matted hair and cum. Shoved the jet in and blew it out. Turns out it was the randomly missing dog that had somehow fallen into the open tank?? I don't know how it got in there but it probably drowned and got putrified and sucked in. Worst part was the collar detached from the dog and the owner saved it as a momento, picked it up bare handed.

Not a plumber, but we have renters living downstairs and they broke a tap. So this is where the plumber arrives on the scene. My dad informs him what needs to be done and leaves for work. Nearly 4 hours later, Mum sees the plumber leaving and thinks replacing a tap doesn't take this long. So we enquired and the renters said all the plumber did was deliver sermons praising his guru. A cult leader. He kept at it for hours and refused to leave unless & until the listeners promise their allegiance to the guru. A fight ensued and apparently he called for the Bob Rosss to give him special-powers to fight off these non-believers. Finally, they made him go with a promise to think about joining in soon.

This was around this time in the summer but in 2012. I arrived at a quaint house to conduct a routine plumbing check. The owner, a man with mismatched socks and an unsettling grin, began sharing stories about his latest obsession: training pigeons to deliver love letters. As I inspected the sink, he rambled on about how his ex-wife had left him for a circus performer, claiming it was all part of an elaborate magic trick.

In the corner, a mysterious trapdoor caught my eye. The owner insisted it led to "a dimension of lost socks". Intrigued, I opened it, only to find a swirling vortex filled with rainbow-colored spaghetti and floating rubber ducks.

Ignoring the bizarre scene, I returned to the plumbing issue. Suddenly, the pipes began to gargle, and a foul odor filled the air. Digging deeper, I discovered what appeared to be a clump of glitter, and what I can only describe as clumps of damp pizza crust and cum..

This is a fun thread.

At first he wasnt so bad, but gradually his mental health took a steep decline after his GF flew back to America, his room got so bad, a putrid smell would seep out his room and into the rest of the house, he slept in a bed that was almost always covered in trash and ubereats bags, moldy half eaten food, crumbs and dirty laundry, the bed surrounded by even more of it. We'd end up running out of plates, cups and cutlery until we asked him to unearth them and bring them out more than once. He would sit against the wall in bed shirtless when he wasnt working the nightshift at mcdonalds, playing on his xbox constantly, and because he wouldnt bathe for literally m o n t h s (you could SEE the grime build up on his skin), he left huge black stains on the wall where he rested his back against. Eventually after a huge fight unrelated to his mess, we had to kick him out, unfortunately he neglected to actually clean the room and take all his things so i ended up being the one left with the task. I had to scrub not one, but two black stains from the walls, it took so much bleach and gumption, not to mention somehow the entire carpet was sticky. (we had to have it professionaly cleaned.)

I didnt know that was possible, let alone in a year or two time span, that guy was a walking biohazard.

I used to just buy a dollar burger per night around midnight. No tip. No change. No drink. And just loiter, for hours, every night. Totally alone, no friends with me, I was 19. Cut to night 3 or so of my dollar per night loitering. Me and the entire waffle house staff leave waffle house around 1 or 2 am. We're about to hit the town, and turn up. And I mean straight from WH, no showers, they just threw on whatever clothes were in their cars. We all car pool, and of course the most wasted cook was driving, him and the hostess up front, me another cook, and two more waitresses in the back of like, a toyota camry or something like that. We get pulled over (heavy swerving), they make him do the drunk test. He PASSES. The cops, though obviously suspicious, for whatever reason let us go. Drunk cook swaps out with one of the less drunk waitresses. We tear the club up, last thing I remember is being under neon strobe lights in a dark club with mixed whiskey drinks in our hands, we're all grinding on eachother, hard cut to black. No memory of anthing after that. Next memory I have after that, is me waking up in one of the two waitress's beds, in her house, everyone else is MIA it's just me and her at her place, no idea where her place even is or how I got there. We winged....all of this, on what was for all of them a work night. WH is a cultural experience of the deep south, and difficult to explain or convey to those who have not lived or died by the waffle.

>>828480

I attend college in Arizona, Nmom and Estepdad live in Maine. I’ve gone VLC with them over the three years I’ve been in school. The summers I’ve managed to get a job or internship to keep me out here. Four months ago Nmom sent me a email telling me I was coming to Thanksgiving, she wanted the family together and had a photographer coming to take photos. So we could fake being a happy family for a few hours. I told her I would not be coming because of my job on campus. She then called the school who told her that a) Im over 18 therefore they can’t tell her anything b) when she threatened to pull me out the awesome lady at the registers told her “good luck, he’s on a full scholarship, and pays for everything himself”

When she realized she couldn’t lie to the school she had E dad call me to beg me to come. This guy stood by since I was 12 and watched my mom beat me, degrade me, lie about me and did nothing. airwolf him, I ignore his calls, she then called my bio dad who laughed at her and hung up. We have our issues but he’s genuinely a good guy whose dealt with mental health issues his entire life.

So thanksgiving I woke up (school was closed that day so I didn’t actually have to work) went to the gym, enjoyed a leisurely breakfast at my favorite cafe. I came home and was getting ready to throw laundry in the washer and make myself chicken and noodles in my crockpot when my door was pretty much knocked down. Campus cops and outside cops, guess whose mom called and said her son told his 13 year old sister (I don’t talk to my siblings because their easily swayed by Nmom) that he was going to bomb the school. Yeah so after a trip to the campus police building, them searching my room and car and finding nothing , my RA and two floor mates defending me and me showing emails of my mom threatening me I’d be sorry for not coming to thanksgiving they apologized, I was allowed to go back to my dorm and the RA and I managed to put the door back on. Then my grandma calls guess who was arrested for making a false police report? If you guessed my Nmom you’d be right.

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Im running a group of volunteers who are working outside all this week. Unsurprisingly, manual labor in summer means everyone has been ducking into the kitchen to refill their water bottles .

We had one older volunteer for the week, and doing him a kindness set him up with an indoor job with a fan to keep him more comfortable.

He apparently thought this meant he had some sort of supervisory role and started ordering people around. We talked to him a few times. Yesterday, he hung up a sign forbidding anyone from refilling their water bottles, and locked the kitchen door.

Thankfully I found this quickly, and he started huffing and lecturing as I took the sign down. According to him: the water was costing the city "a fortune", people relying on it was making them weak and lazy, no one needed that much water, and people drinking it was what was causing all the volunteers to be so fat.

I decided to reorganize things this morningand his indoor, seated and cooled position went away. We still had him in a seated task, but he had the full force of heat and sun.

He quit three hours in. To his credit, I dont think he drank any water the whole time...but he should have.

One of my brother's buddy's dad made my brother's buddy's younger brother get circumcised when he was 12. I don't why, exactly. He was a Cuban physician who immigrated, so I suppose he had his reasons.

Anyways, my brother's buddy asks my brother to invite over a bunch of girls, then tells them it would be a funny joke to sit next to his brother and put the moves on him. Kid popped all of his sutures and his dad had to restitch them. I'll never understand Catholic school boy pranks.

>>829490
8. Circumcision decreases the risk of urinary tract infection.
7. Circumcision reduces the risk of heterosexually acquired HIV infection in men.
6. Circumcision lowers the risk of STDs.
5. Circumcision protects against penile cancer.
4. Circumcision reduces the risk of penile HPV infection and the risk of cervical cancer in female partners.
3. Circumcision prevents chlamydia infections and subsequent pelvic inflammatory disease, ectopic pregnancy and infertility.
2. Circumcision decreases the risk of balanoposthitis and phimosis and the later need for postneonatal circumcision.
1. Circumcision improves sexual function and creativity.

>>829491
How the hell do foreskins cause ectopic pregnancies?

Vaporized DMT smells exactly like compost. But not the foul smells in the compost, rather the pure goodness of smells that are still present in the compost. You distilled the goodness of smells in that rotting mass of plant matter and mushrooms and worms and lizards and that's DMT for you. Mostly the decaying plant matter, but the pure goodness of the essence that you find there. That's what it smells like.. You walk by a good compost and you can get a whiff of a real DMT often time. Depends on luck, but it's there.

>>829491
if you care so much about that shit, you may as well just cut the whole dick off

So I tell my stepfather [60+] don't use weed killer on the yard that the chickens go and run around in cuz it will hurt the chickens and kill them, he proclaims in all his wisdom that its fine, so i told him if its so safe then drink some because if its so safe for the chickens it will be safe for him and the dumb airwolf actually did, now he's in the hospital right now getting detoxification, and in more boomer wisdom tells the doctor im still wrong the weed killer must be expired thats why he's Ill. Dude literally just drinks poison and still believes he's in the right, and im in the wrong.

>>830009
just buy him a non expired poison, he needs to learn the hard way

remember kids: bandaids don't fix buttholes

>>830081
Butt plugs won't plug babies buttholes for long but they can help.

Back when I was 15, I had to attend boarding school. My roommate was an obese girl, almost 240 pounds, also 15 years old.

This girl was stuffing her face 24/7, I shit you not. Even during the night, she would wake up and start eating chocolate or drink soda. It was pretty much like living with a pig, and our room was tiny.

Back then I had quite a lot of medical problems, one being my blood sugar was unstable as airwolf. My dad was born with diabetes, and my doctor told me I would get it too, if I didn't watch my sugar intake (not really the way it works, but I was a dumb teen, cut me some slack) Generally I didn't snack much on anything besides vegetables.

My pig of a roommate didn't believe this. She thought it was something I had made up because I didn't want to share my snacks with her, and she was pretty furious about it. Her logic about this was really shitty, like because she didn't like the taster of water, she couldn't imagine anyone else would drink anything besides soda. She told me more than once, the day she found my secret stash, she would eat/drink it all, and she started going through my stuff when I wasn't in the room.

About 4 months in, I had to do a project in biology about plants, but unfortunately I was pretty clueless bout how to even keep a plant alive. During the following weekend, I asked my plant-lover mom about it, and she told me I should love it, water it and give it some fertilizer. At the time, she made her own fertilizer and she told me she would pour some in a bottle and put it in my bag, then I could use it on my own plant.

Sunday evening I had forgotten everything about it, and when I arrived back at the boarding school, I tossed the bag on my bed and went to the bathroom to do my business and take a shower.

When I get back to my room, I found miss piggy, my lovely roommate, puking all over the floor. On the floor laid the empty soda bottle from my bag, I had forgotten all about. Turn out she had raided my bag the moment I was out of the room. When she found the soda bottle, she apparently tried to drink it, thinking it was ordinary soda I was hiding from her.

Not only did she get punished because she had finally been caught stealing red-handed and had to clean up the mess herself, she was sent home shortly after, because she kept telling everyone I had tried to poison her.

About a month later I asked my mom what exactly the ingredients of her fertilizer consisted of, and she told me it's was wet horse manure mixed with boiled, gemfree water.

One male relative went away on a month long 'boys trip' 2 weeks after having a baby, then came home to his wife of 5 years and said 'good news, I just went on a big gay sex tour and I've concluded it's not for me, I'm totally straight and I choose you.'
Surprisingly she didn't see the upside and filed for divorce.

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>>830146

That kind of thing happen twice, these friends of mine really into E's & clubbing. tried switching sides and told there female partners about it and well yes.
Got shown the door.
They both had kids.
crazy, Crazy world.

There was a guy in my senior class that ended up marrying cousin. They knew this before hand which makes it even more icky. Anyway I wasn't invited to their public park under a blue tarp wedding next to the creek that has a shopping cart stuck in it, but a friend that went said the priest they got to officiate the wedding didn't know they were "already close family" and said something along the lines of "with the joining of two families" before he could finish a drunk uncle stood up and said "aye I thought they already family...they are first cousins!" And the priest left!!! They now have a kid that had the biggest head I have ever seen.

In the late 80s and early 90s we used to organize raves. We were infiltrated by an undercover cop.
We knew he was a cop and put him in charge of finding the next venue.
The day of the rave came and we held the rave somewhere else.
Best part is we used the location found by the cop for our next rave. They didn't see that coming or even think we would hold the rave at a location found by police.

Good boys keep chattin

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>>830308

>>830308, ok

this one new year's eve, some thirty odd years ago ('92?)
done some real MDMA and was with a couple friends, who had not been to an rave before
it gets to a time to go to this abandoned build, where the rave will be and i'm like nah, can not be bothered
so we leave the pub and get a taxi
as where driving away we can see lines of people all heading to the same building

The next day find out the rave never happened, police and fire brigade closed it down
just as well really, it was a death trap waiting to happen

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I once laid down and listen to a playlist on my iPod classic. I decided that now I've had enough of music and to my surprise and astonishment the current song ended in some 15 seconds. To my surprise it was the last song on the playlist, so I didn't even have to turn off the music or even pick up my iPod, it just ended. The playlist was 8 hours 20 something minutes.

You guys remember Amanda from the other thread? Well I actually met up with her. We hit it off after I made some donations. I found her chatturbate live acc through one of the megadumps. She is awesome in most of her videos. Anyway, getting back to the story, it turns out she is married, but her husband is her pimp. I put down a round sum of money and they let me airwolf her sweet Indian cunt and do backshots. She was a real slut for my dick, it felt so good mane. Please post more suc(k)cess stories ITT.

>>830332
Was it awkward? When you first met? Like, how did you negotiate it? Were you like, "can I touch your punani?"? Or where you like here's the money I have can I do whatever I want to you? I never quite understand how prostitution works. Like how do you negotiate such a thing. Can you drive the prize down the way you would ask for a lower price buying some vegetables in the market? The whole thing is just weird to me.

>>830342
It was very awkward dude, especially in the beginning. But we powered through and it was totally worth it.

when I was a kindergartener I believed mascot costumes were the actual characters

My dad dressed up as Smokey the Bear for a field trip and I thought it was really him, my other kindergartener classmate kept pointing out the zipper but I kept denying it

>>830345
wow you were a real strawberry growing up, weren't you?

When I was 14 I had just moved to a new school and wanted to fit in with the cool kids. So when I was invited to smoke weed and set fireworks off at a park at night I jumped at the opportunity.

Because I was new to the area, I didn’t know that the park was literally 50 meters from the police station. My new idiot friends knew that the police station was there, but it didn’t cross their minds that smoking weed then setting off illegal fireworks to signal our exact location might be a bad idea.

It’s important for the story that you know I was a very fat kid, rotund like Augustus Gloop from Willy Wonka.

So when the police arrived at one end of the park, we all ran towards the only other exit. I ran incredibly slowly due to my incredible size, my moobs jiggling magnificently as I sprinted.
The police were waiting at the exit and caught everyone, everyone except me. Due to me falling so far behind everyone when we ran, the police were unable to see me in the dark and assumed that they had got everyone.

I ended up sleeping in a bush that night, but my ample reserves of fat kept me warm.
So my weight saved me twice that night, once from the police and once from hypothermia.

I was living in rural Gippsland as a teen and was walking home from school. Walking past some of the farm paddocks, I usually passed on my way home and I heard this really loud grunting sound coming from the tree lines. To this day I regret letting my curiosity get the best of me I crawled my chunky ass under the fence to get a look. There was a man, doing the dirty to a cow behind the trees. I shit my pants and ran away. Saw him a year later in a fish chip shop a town over eating a chico roll.

My highschool was ghetto and someone was smoking weed in the bus cuz it airwolfing reeked. How did they decide to find the guy? The cop smelled everyone's finger no joke. My friend saw they were doing this and dug his fingers right in his ass and sack. It was 110° in southern california. They got him in trouble but realistically what could they do. I laughed so hard I puked.

I was eight years old when I was bundled into the back of the car, like a sack of potatoes, by the drunkest man I've ever seen. He drove 100 in the 20 and kept screaming about how I didn't trust him. Eventually he slammed on the brake and I took the opportunity to jump out the window and run.

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>>830369

I myself commissioned a genuine katana in Japan for 2,400,000 Yen (that's about $20,000) and have been practicing with it for almost 2 years now. I can even cut slabs of solid steel with my katana. Japanese smiths spend years working on a single katana and fold it up to a million times to produce the finest blades known to mankind. Katanas are thrice as sharp as European swords and thrice as hard for that matter too. Anything a longsword can cut through, a katana can cut through better. I'm pretty sure a katana could easily bisect a knight wearing full plate with a simple vertical slash. Ever wonder why medieval Europe never bothered conquering Japan? That's right, they were too scared to fight the disciplined Samurai and their katanas of destruction. Even in World War II, American soldiers targeted the men with the katanas first because their killing power was feared and respected. So what am I saying? Katanas are simply the best sword that the world has ever seen. This is a fact and you can't deny it.

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>>830402
Wooow... Sugoi! (•̪ o •̪)

>>830402

>Even in World War II, American soldiers targeted the men with the katanas

They all had airwolfing katana, it was the uniform